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3.5.08:
Jumper
I went to go see "Jumper" a while back and it was pretty
bad. Hayden Christensen was terrible, his character was this stoic
bro who reacted to everything (hooking up with Rachel Bilson, the
death of his father, etc.), with the same expression of vague disgust,
like "dude, stop harshing my scene." It was also great
how he was blessed with this godlike power of teleportation and
he used it to do the most inane brotastic things, like teleporting
between various surfing locales to get the best waves or eating
Quizno's on the top of the Sphinx. Anyway when I was done I looked
it up on Metacritic and I thought it was funny, because inevitably
the blurbs on Metacritic say as much about the publication that's
running the review as the movie itself.
i.e.
Variety
Director Doug Liman churns out a serviceable sci-fi thriller/videogame
template that plays like "The Matrix Lite" and, finally,
isn't nearly as cool as its trailer.
Entertainment
Weekly
Liman, for all his craft, doesn't have enough FUN with the premise.
The New Yorker
The result is more or less a remake of the great scene in "Sherlock
Jr.," where a dozing Buster Keaton dreams himself through a
shuffled sequence of backgrounds. Jumper is ten times as brutal,
maybe a thousand times more costly, and eighty-four years late,
but it's a start.
Salon.com
Though dazzled by its ultra-modern wizardry and the high gloss of
its production values, one can also feel the globalist double standard
roiling underneath the adolescent-kid fantasy plot. Jumper tells
us that Americans fantasize about getting rich by stealing and going
everywhere they want without restrictions; that they are materialistic,
disrespect foreign antiquities, and remain blind to their own and
to world history.
I
think the New York Post's blurb was something like "This movie
is really retarded."
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